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Hey Subscriber First Name,

Early in my career I was in a project meeting where one of the engineers pushed back on an approach I knew was wrong. He wanted to do something in a way that would create problems three months down the line. I could see it clearly. So I argued my case. I brought data. I poked holes in his reasoning. I made sure everyone in the room could see why my approach was better.

I won the argument. The room went quiet, the decision went my way, and we moved on.

Except we didn't really move on. That engineer stopped speaking up in meetings. He did exactly what was asked and nothing more. When I needed his opinion on something a few weeks later, I got a shrug and "whatever you think is best." The rest of the team noticed. The energy in the room shifted. I'd won a single decision but I'd damaged something far more valuable. Their trust.

It took me a long time to understand what actually happened in that meeting. I thought I was doing my job. I thought clarity and logic were enough. But what I'd actually done was make someone feel small in front of their peers. And the cost of that wasn't just one disengaged engineer. It was a team that slowly stopped trusting me with their honest opinions.

That's the trade-off nobody talks about in project management. You can win the task or you can win the team. And most of the time, you can't do both in the same moment. The PM who forces the right decision through sheer logic might get a better outcome this week. But the PM who brings the team with them, even if it takes a little longer, builds something that compounds over months and years.

Think of it like this. Every interaction you have with your team is either a small deposit or a small withdrawal. Listening when you could have interrupted, that's a deposit. Asking before telling, deposit. Giving credit in public, deposit. Shutting someone down because you already know the answer, withdrawal. Taking over a conversation instead of letting someone finish their point, withdrawal.

None of these feel significant on a Tuesday afternoon. But they add up. And the balance shapes everything. A team that's been receiving deposits for months will go the extra mile when things get hard. They'll flag problems early instead of hiding them. They'll give you their real opinion, not the safe one. A team that's been on the receiving end of withdrawals will do the opposite. They'll protect themselves, tell you what you want to hear, and let you find out the hard way. Same team, same project, completely different outcomes, all because of how the balance was built.

I think about this every time I'm tempted to jump straight to "here's why that won't work." Because the moment I say that, I've won a point and lost an audience. And you can only do that so many times before your team stops giving you the raw, honest input that good decisions depend on. What you're left with isn't loyalty. It's compliance. And compliance has a shelf life. The moment things get hard, the moment the project hits real turbulence, compliance disappears. Loyalty doesn't. Simon Sinek makes this distinction in Start with Why. People who are pushed into action will do the minimum. People who feel heard will go beyond what's asked. And on a long project, that difference is everything. Loyalty is what carries a team through the weeks when the plan falls apart and everyone has to figure it out together.

So here's what I've learned to do differently.

When someone pushes back, I pause before I respond. Not because I don't have an answer, but because the first thing I say sets the tone for whether this becomes a conversation or a contest. If I start with "I see where you're coming from" or "that's a fair point, here's what I'm weighing up", the other person stays open. If I start with "no, here's why", they close.

When I need a decision from a room, I don't present my recommendation first. I ask for theirs. Not because I don't have a view, but because people commit to decisions they helped shape. A decision the team owns will be executed ten times better than a decision the PM forced through.

When I get something wrong, I say so openly. Not because it feels good, but because the team needs to see that honesty is safe here. If the PM can admit a mistake, so can the engineer, the planner, the commercial lead. And a team where people can say "I got this wrong" early catches problems weeks before they become crises.

None of this is soft. This is how projects actually get delivered over the long run. The task in front of you today will be forgotten in six months. The trust you built, or broke, with your team will still be there. Choose accordingly.

MAKING IT HAPPEN: Your Weekly Strategy

Pick one meeting or conversation this week where you need to get a decision or alignment from someone. Before you go in, write down three things: what does this person care about most right now, where do we already agree, and what is the smallest yes I actually need from them. Lead with the common ground, not your recommendation. Ask for their view before you share yours. After the conversation, note what happened differently. Do this once a week for a month and watch how your working relationships shift.

GO DEEPER: THE OPEN FRAMEWORK

If this newsletter resonated, I wrote a longer piece on a simple four-step approach I use when I need to get alignment from difficult stakeholders. It's called the OPEN Framework: Open with what you both want, Pause and acknowledge their point, Explore with questions not statements, Navigate with suggestions not demands. It's everything in this newsletter turned into a repeatable structure you can use in your next conversation. Read it here.

CHEAT SHEETS

The free cheat sheet library is here. I'll keep adding to it. Save the link and grab whatever helps.

If this one landed, forward it to a PM who keeps winning arguments but losing rooms. The skill that compounds isn't being right. It's being trusted.

bilaljamil.com | Newsletter archive | Hit reply and tell me about a time you won the task but lost the team. I read every one.

Take care and speak soon, 

Bilal